REDEFINING CULINARY CULTURE - ONE STEP AT A TIME

“My husband cooked today,” is a common phrase that usually raises a lot of heads and rolls a lot of eyes whenever I say it at a family gathering or a meet-up. I know exactly what they expect me to say to fit me into that ideal wifey box. Or sometimes, they just don't so that they can boast about being one while I am not. Yes! I work 9 to 5, cover emergency shifts, wake early in the morning to cook breakfast and lunch and steal time in between to come back home defeated only to cook dinner again would have made me look perfect in their eyes. But sadly, I ain't that and my bare minimum husband understands our responsibilities as a couple. 

 

Yes, women are doing it, and kudos to them for their energy and commitment. But my schedule doesn't allow me the same. When I and my husband got married 4 years ago, my schedule was even more chaotic, and he stepped up. He made sure we did not starve in between our hectic work and personal lives. What facilitated his taking up cooking was that his work timings were flexible and often unorthodox, at times from home, allowing him the time to plan our meals and cook accordingly.

 

Some suggested we hire a domestic worker because why is a man cooking when both of us work? But our financial constraints didn't allow us the luxury of having a cook. Moreover, we were bothered by the common propaganda that either the woman of the house or a hired cook must do it. A lot many even gave us contacts of parcel services who prepare three meals a day and deliver them individually at home and workplace except for the weekends. They thought they were doing us a favour. But would those people have offered the same if I were the one cooking amidst my sleep-deprived work schedule? No, why? Isn't a woman supposed to be doing it anyway? 

 

In the beginning, he used to lie to his mom about me having made lunch/dinner/snacks when I absolutely did not and it made me look like a credit stealer. And I was getting uncomfortable with it. “Why do you lie about me cooking? I didn't even touch a thing in the kitchen today,” I would ask my husband, and he would often tell me it was to convince his mother else she would take offence that her son is toiling day in and out. But later he too mended his ways. Now, he tells his mother he made sambar with stew for lunch while I make him the crispiest dosa with his favourite peanut chutney. He even asks his mom for recipes who by the way seems fine in doing so. 

 

A lot of our relatives still crack jokes on us saying how I forced him into handling the kitchen. “Oh, you have lost weight. Isn't your wife feeding you well? Oh wait!” they often say. And he makes sure that he always has the best comeback. These are the same people who always emphasise about Muhammed (pbuh) having eleven wives and how Islamic men are allowed to have four wives, while completely ignoring how religious versus mention the prophet helping his wives in household chores. But over time, I can see the shift slowly happening in them. They now know that both of us cook and that they can do nothing about it than accept the fact and move on. And probably in a few years, they will realise they can do their bit at home too and teach their sons the same. Who knows?! 

 

I love cooking, I really do. Many days, I give my everything to make us a wholesome meal, sometimes multiple portions at once. On certain days, we cook together to hasten things up. But it is only that my husband cooks more often than me. Still, the very fact that I could not have peace without adding this mandatory line at the end tells a lot about the patriarchal influence that we are still a prisoner of. But what can I say? I am just a woman trying to overcome this and I am learning to evolve too.

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